Have you ever been on a date in a movie theater and you're just
waiting for the movie to be over because you want some alone time with your
date?? You leave, you get in the car, and what was supposed to be an
end-of-the-date smooch turns into an impromptu smash session???Yea?!?! Me too!!! Here’s a crash course on the smash and dash!!!!So most of this is common sense but you can never count on guys to plan ahead and you can never assume the lady is an alpha…
Shall we review some don't's?? Don’t do the Lambada in a well-lit
area. Unless your into performing a cheap porno called Shake-Spear
for the public it’s not a good look. People watching is a good way to get into
more trouble than you would like. So pay attention to your surroundings and
your neighborhood, if it has neighborhood watch-- TRUST ME, they will call
the cops on you if you are just parked there "talking".
Lip smacking and grunting may not be the nicest noise on the
planet, so please, somebody put on some music! Mood is always important even if
it’s an impromptu “ride”. A good station is great but +Pandora is better. Find a good channel
ahead of time and let it play. Also, keep your car on, if you have any
unwanted visitors between the moaning and the Harlem Shake you can break out
real fast if your car is on. Hence the dash! ;-)
Look people it’s not a race! Stop and get comfortable. Guys,
if you’re the size of an offensive linemen don’t climb into the back seat with
your ass hanging out, its…..offensive. If you cannot get comfortable think
about your 'mountees' anatomy, there is a waist above the hip bone, recline all
the way back, find that spot and ladies you can stick your leg right down in
there and you will find space in the seat. Like a stirrup, plant and
'hiya!'.... Courtesy - there is nothing worse than a guy getting all his,
and little did he know she had a seat-belt buckle digging into her shins. Guys,
have some compassion, make sure she is good in the position she is in and she
may want to do this on the regular. This sounds dumb BUT IT HAPPENS... if your
car is a stick shift, make sure the emergency brake is on before she grabs for
the stick. We want to get rolling but not literally. If your windows are
steaming from the inside you can’t see who is creeping up on you…so crack
your window. If she is a screamer or starts getting really loud, fine,
close the damn window. You may avoid an emergency call to 911 about
someone being murdered by keeping the noise down.
The key to some good car sex is to be a master of your
surroundings. If you have a sunroof you can open it, grab onto it for
leverage, or keep it open for maximum vertical thrusting. There is more
room in the passenger seat than you think, recline seat all the way back and
guys can slide about half way up that back, ladies can perform a more
comfortable about face and you can do the good ole reverse cowgirl quite
comfortably. Also, know your limitations, if your plus size don't try
to 69. Just keeping it real people, focus on getting it in successfully,
not smothering each other to death...So bottom line ladies, save a horse, ride
a cowboy!!
Now if you are planning in advance to get it on in the car
(which does happen), please prepare. Dress appropriately, loose fitted
clothing, no underwear, no bra if possible, (please note: only some ladies can
pull that one off)... I find that skirts/dresses are easy access for him
and comfortable enough to keep on if you're in a rush. Bring unscented
wipes and bottled water….cleanup is essential for this being a memorable
moment. Guys, please don’t assume she will help you hide the goods when you’re
done, you’ll find that idea all over your hands with nothing to help clean you
up in sight.
If all else fails get out the damn car and get a room....
~ Ebony
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